This is the first post/thread/piece… whatever… I have ever made on a forum so please excuse me if this is in the wrong place etc.
My question is: Is weed just not for me?
I have smoked on 2 separate occasions. The first time was really messed up and the second time was not quite as traumatic. When intoxicated with any mind altering substance I always seem to experience the same disturbing feeling 5-10 minutes after the initial substance use. This feeling from what I can gather seems to be an intense sense of derealization/depersonalization. I could go on for days explaining the intense and highly unsettling feelings but I will try to sum it up quickly. Basically my perception of reality and everything and anything at some random point becomes instantly and completely distorted and changed. I think about how I got to where I am at that moment, and I think about reality and how odd it is that anything exists. That I exist. ” Sufferers feel they have changed, and the world has become less real, vague, dreamlike, or lacking in significance.” I feel detached from myself and reality. To sum it up it’s really fucked up. I can bring this feeling upon myself if I try really hard, but I, for obvious reasons avoid such thoughts. This feeling only lasts 5 seconds or so, but sends me into a mental breakdown for a little while. The first time it lasted 2 hours until I was mostly back to normal minus the pleasant high. The second time I suppressed the feelings and it only lasted 10 minutes. I have these instinctive responses to immediately vacate where ever I may be at the time. I’m really trapped in my own cloud of thoughts and my friends easily notice my strange behavior. I want to leave and go occupy myself with any possible distraction to get my mind back to a normal state (ofcouse hooking up with my crazy motherfckrs who dont use weed but drink aloooot). I’d call it almost a mental panic attack. I had enough composure to express my inner feelings of distress to my friends the first time, and the second I held my self together and avoided causing alarm. I simply went, “oh shit – I’m really high”.
I wouldn’t even consider smoking again but the following 4 hours were amazing the second time. Everything was 1 million times more hilarious. I was feeling an immense feeling of euphoria and I was feeling totally contempt about 30 minutes after my experience of derealization/depersonalization. I was on the ball, feeling great, and I slept like a rock. I had a great time. If it weren’t for this initial reaction I would be in love with weed.
I will be smoking some time soon. Should I just rough the first 5-10 minutes or should I just stay off the herb? Has anyone else here experienced anything remotely similar? Please, any feed back.
Thanks for reading.