Just a funny thing. I was like 16???
My [funniest story ever] would have to be when I got my first girlfriend… I was a virgin and the first time we tried to fuck, I went to put the condom on but it was such a weird thing that as soon as we tried to fuck my dick went full on limp and after like 5 mins of trying to stuff it in all floppy I just had to give up a failure…! Damn..! Well… anyway I was totally fukn pissed at myself for being unable to sustain an erection whilst I had a naked girl in my bed trying to fuck me- so my inner voice spoke to me “don’t be silly, don’t wrap you willy” I removed the condom and spanked the monkey! [don’t judge me… i had to force an erection]] I told myself no way in hell would I touch my cock again untill I fucked this girl…
This was all good untill the whole floppy jallopy thing got to my girlfriend- SHE THOUGH THAT I WASNT BEING TURNED ON BY HER!! ****KKKKKKKKK… She got all pissed and really went cold on me… All sexual progress stopped! BUT I STILL COULDNT BAT!! I even had it permantly written on my hand “DBB” DONT BEAT the BISHOP…! Anyway long story short of me convincing her, I finally got her to come around and fuck me… episode two… ALMOST A MONTH LATER to the day!!!! AND I HADNT SPANKED ONCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And heres the best bit… Up untill then she had been giving me NOTHING… no hand jobs, no blowies (I NEVER GOT A FUKN BLOWIE ONCE- OR SEX-but thats coming up!!!) so she comes round and we start fooling around… SHE DECIDED NO SEX!! ****KKKKKKKKKK!!! but I had been playing with her and this girl came really easy,.,. almost from just tongue flicking her tities,.,. so anyway I made her cum from forplay and I had been sucking up to her so bad and telling her how beautifull she was all month and nicknaming her gorgeous n fuck she goes “ok I want to do something for you”,.., I wasnt getting sex but anyway,.,. man the whole time I had been as hard as steel,.,. Im talking one of them boners than almost hurts there’s so much blood in there,..,,. The ones where it sticks up and points u in the face,.,.., u know that piss boner u get when u wake up cause u need a leak so bad?? Well multiply that by 15 millions times thats how hard my dick was… So hard it hurt to even push down the SLIGHTEST,.., well anyway she starts rubbing that thing.,,. ONE HAND SPANKING,.,. THE OTHER PLAYING WITH MY BALLS,.,. O M F G,.,. This was a total first for me- before that we had just fooled around a little and then tried to FUCK,.,. shed touched it but only for a sec,.., THERE WAS NO NEED I WAS SO HARD AROUND HER (well until the condom came on-HA) so anyway shes pounding away and she actually asks me how to do it,.,. now anyway im “UNCUT” so hanjobs for a girl is actually quite easy,.., no friction or anything so its hard for them to fuck up,.,. anyway shes pounding away and im on my side so that any SPOOF goes right onto her belly and im watching the clock as well Its 2:46 AM,.,.,.
2:47 (but ALMOST 2:48 ! ! !)
MAN U SHOULDA SEEN IT… STILL TO THIS DAY I HAVE NEVER CAME LIKE THIS.. THERE WAS PRE CUM,.., CUM,.,. AND AFTER CUM,.,.,. One shot fired out,.., AND THIS WAS BEFORE I HAD EVEN FULLY ORGASMED,.., THEN POW.,,. ANOTHER SHOT,.,. this fukn FLEWWWWWWWWWWWWW,.., IT FLEWW>, IT WAS LIKE A SEMEN FROG JUMPING FROM MY PENIS,.,. PAST THE BELLY,.,. PAST THE TITS><,. RIGHT IN THE NECK,.,. AHAH,.,. I SWEAR IT HIT THE BITCHES NECK under her chin and splashed!!!! at this point she convulses in discust after this semen milkshake rocked towards her face,.,. THEN POWWWWWWWW.. ANOTHER SHOT<>,. this was 3 shots,.., MY AVERAGE SPANK IS ONE SHOT!!!!! POW,.,. at this point she was rolled over to get away screaming “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW” and it hits her.,., right on the side/oblique,.,.., a huuge stream down her back to her side.,., and then across to the bed on the other side…. AHAHAHAHAH,.,. she immediatly jumps up and the hoe fukn grabs my sheet and starts wiping at her neck to remove the spoog,,.,.,. meanwhile im lying there feeling the best ive ever felt in my life… anyway she starts rambling about some SHIT… about how disgusting that was and how it smells like DOUGH!?!? and how shes been with like 10 guys and never seen anything like that before [i know…. she lied] ,.,.anyway im just lying there in bliss hoping the bitch will go to sleep so I can jump on ICQ and go tell my friends about what just happened
The bitch cheated on me about a week later and it was over(that’s how horrible my D game was) …really bitch… One week! Like 7 goddamn days..! FUCK her men! ,.,. but to this day anyone who ive ever spoke to about her now nicknamed her “the semen deamon!”
And thats my story
[P.S. That was from my old dick, chucknorris… that some mofo banned and want cred for the story ]